RiVillage

Your ideals matter!

4 | Ambiguity

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The number one reason most relationships break down is ambiguity. Many of the first reasons that come to mind when asked why a relationship may fail can be traced back to one or both people in the relationship being ambiguous about what they want or need. Most of the people you have a relationship with would be happy to meet your needs if they knew what those were. The healthiest thing for solving most relationship problems is effectively disclosing your desires within the relationship. The disclosure is most effective when it carries no ambiguity.

The following might be a situation that any of us are likely to fall into.

My mother someday asked me “Why don’t you call now and then?” I obliged. The phone calls clearly made her very happy, and I was happy to believe that I was ultimately contributing to what I saw as our relationship. Soon, however, my view changed. I was performing a task for the sake of her being happy, and while there was nothing wrong with that, my connection with her was the same as before I started calling her on a regular basis. I didn’t want to continue spending my time doing a task that didn’t help to strengthen my connection with my mom. Therefore, I stopped calling out of obligation.

If you would like to strengthen the relationship you have with someone in your life, it is important to make that desire clear. Otherwise asking for something like regular phone calls will make it difficult for them to connect their effort with the result of your relationship.

If you have a hard time connecting your effort with the result in several relationships of yours, you probably have a lack of social clarity. Without social clarity, you may be wasting a great deal of effort in your social life.

Social clarity calls for social logic, which is evidence-based conviction in dealing with others. After all, it becomes a lot easier to convince yourself and those around you of the worth of changing your behavior if there are tangible outcomes you’d like to see instead, such as those of better relationships.

Relationships fail without logic. Logic fails without arguments. Logic involves statements, premises, and conclusion. However, if your statements talk about connections while the premises are based on relations, the conclusion on any relationship of yours would be totally confusing. These things do not work well together without an unambiguous naming system. Such a naming system is called a nomenclature.

If you want to become an expert in any field, you must first learn of its nomenclature, i.e. its naming system. Every field has its own nomenclature. Using its nomenclature, you are far more powerful when you talk about various topics in the field.

If you want to become an expert in social life, you need to understand the nomenclature for social life. Without its social logic, you can’t achieve social clarity, which is what you need to better manage your social life.

There already exists a nomenclature like this and it only began existing in 2017 with the publishing of the book THUMOS: Adulthood, Love & Collaboration. That nomenclature is called Thumoslang. Social clarity is why we all need it. Before we take a closer look at it, let’s consider the following.

Over a hundred millenniums ago, early humans discovered a way to have widespread control of fire. It was the first in a long sequence of many steps in the technological evolution of human beings. Our technological advance evolved through three stages: the tool, the machine, and the automation. They’re all about conservation of human energy. To keep it from being wasted.

Thumoslang serves the same purpose but for social life.

A tool is an object utilized by humans to extend the use of their energy, i.e. their personal force, to do some work. Involving energy, work is done when a force is applied to an object through a distance.

A machine, or mechanical device, is a mechanical structure that uses power to apply forces and control movement to perform an intended action. Although the skill is invested in the gadget instead of the person who uses it, humans also use the machine to extend further the use of their energy.

The automation is the technology by which a process is performed with minimal human assistance. In the final stage of technological advancement, humans take advantage of automation to scale up the use of their energy. One click, for example, is all you need to sort through countless documents around the world.

To circle back, the widespread control of fire, of the tool, of the machine, and then of the automation give us more energy and thus more power. However, a nation with more energy and more power does not have citizens who know how to treat one another better than those in lesser nations. Therefore, the technology cannot bring our humanity beyond “Level 1.0”.

What would it take to bring humanity to “Level 2.0”? Whatever it is, the widespread use of it is a must and it must give residents of the adopting nation the powerful knowledge on how to treat one another better, but at scale.

In the last several years, the 17-year-old Alec Mustafayev, the 20-year-old Jairson Ascencao, the 25-year-old Ifeanyi Onyekaba, the 35-year-old John Kandalaft, and several others, including college professors and students, have, through their personal experience, given us enough data to believe that Thumoslang is it.

Widespread use of social clarity is what it takes to achieve Humanity Level 2.0.

The social clarity system called Thumoslang is what it takes to achieve “Humanity Level 2.0”.

How Humanity Level 2.0 can become reality is exactly what our podcast The Last Clueless Teenager is all about.

End of Chapter 4

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